IC INBOX | @erku

[leetle]

Hey! It's Jester!
I can't pick up right now, but I'll reply really soon, okay? Don't miss me too much.
...doot doo doo beep boop!





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[leetle]

[Jester lets out a shuddering breath, letting herself relax a little bit against Beau's chest. Deep breaths. In and out. You don't have to run away from your feelings all the time.]

I know he loves me. But Molly will always come first. And I'm happy for them, Beau, I really am. And me and Fjord, we have fun and we care about each other a lot, he's my oldest friend except for Artie! But it isn't the same, you know? And I just get so scared, because—

[Her voice starts to get tight and high and her throat feels like it's closing off as she takes another shuddery breath.]

Fjord has Molly, and Caleb has Essek, and Veth has Yeza, and you have Yasha. Caduceus isn't into that, so that just leaves me. It sounds...so fucking stupid now that I'm saying it out loud, but I just get so scared I'll get left behind! I'll just be...alone, in Nicodranas, forever.

[thunderbeau]

[Beau is very quiet for a moment]

Jessie.

For one thing, I just told you what happens with you and Fjord at home, so you know that's not true, unless you change it.

And, um.

Can I tell you something? About Molly?

[leetle]

It won't be the same.

[She doesn't say anything more than that, because suddenly she has One Fear about the way Beau is bringing Molly up. She pulls away finally, settling back in her seat and bringing her knees up to hug them with her arms.]

...What is it, Beau?

[thunderbeau]

You don't know that, but I know I can't convince you of it. And even if it's not Fjord, you're...fucking...it's like I said. you're radiant and special and super fucking pretty and funny and cute. There's no way you'd be left behind.

[she's quiet, thoughtful, choosing her words carefully. this has never gotten easier, all the times she's explained it.]

When we brought him back--after we killed Lucien--he was weak and sick. He was himself, but he wasn't. And after we cast the Greater Restoration--

[she's careful to say 'we' so as to not give Jester any undue guilt]

He came back as someone else. And that guy was a fucking dick.

[leetle]

Yeah. I...I know, you're probably right.

[She shrugs. She doesn't really want to argue it, because in her mind there's nothing to argue. And anyway, it's being put out of her mind entirely by what Beau says next. She feels her blood run cold.]

He was...someone else? Like...a completely different person?

[thunderbeau]

Yeah. Like when Lucien moved in on him except not evil, just kind of a douchebag. He called himself Kingsley. Like, what kind of name is that?

[leetle]

Oh, fuck.

[Jester glances around wildly for a second, before grabbing Beau's cocktail and gulping back a swig of it. Sometimes alcohol is called for.]

Beau, that's really bad. This is really, really bad. Oh, gods...

[What are they going to do? How do they tell Molly about this? Does Fjord know?]

[thunderbeau]

I mean, it's just...we don't really--Molly's body's just like that, you know?

[Beau takes a drink, too]

It was ready for a new host, even if we weren't. But Molly's here with us, and it's okay. We don't have to worry about it right now, okay? And...you don't have to worry about him stealing your man at home, either.

[it's a bad joke, but it's all she can do.]

[leetle]

Y-yeah, I guess so. It's just...

[Jester looks completely aghast, but Beau's reassurances are enough to keep her from going completely off the deep end (for now).

She takes a huge inhale and then a long slow exhale.]

Okay. Okay, you're right. It's...I can't just spend all my time worrying about the future. Maybe I'll never get off this stupid island and none of it will matter!

[Looking on the bright side, nailed it.]

[thunderbeau]

I--

[Beau stops and starts talking several times, and finally just reaches over to run her hand through Jester's hair. She's trying to be positive! That...counts...for something, right?]

Um...Sure. Yeah, Jessie, let's go with that.

[leetle]

[Jester lets her spine relax a little as Beau ruffles her hair, slumping down into the water.]

Sorry. I didn't mean to totally ruin our hot tub party with all my dumb feelings.

[thunderbeau]

You didn't ruin it. It's okay. Do you want me to, uh, get you some more milk? Do you want another cupcake or something?

[she's doing! her! best!]

[leetle]

No, no, I'm okay. Give me another sip of your drink, though?

[fucking #yolo]

[thunderbeau]

Oh, yeah, okay, here.

[taking a sip and then handing it to her with a crooked grin]

[leetle]

[She takes another sip from the edge of the glass, cringing a little at how much vodka she'd put in. Otherwise it's not half-bad, honestly.]

Thanks. Everything is just, like, a mess, and alcohol seems to be everyone else's way of dealing with it, so.

[thunderbeau]

[funny, Beau thought it could've handled a shot or two more. but nonetheless.]

yeah, we're a group with great coping mechanisms. C'mere?

[leetle]

I'm right here, Beau.

[She wiggles a little closer, though, her tail rising breaking the surface to splash water at the monk.]

[thunderbeau]

yeah, well...

[she laughs, splashing jester a little back and then pulling her in]

you look like you need a hug or something.

[leetle]

I always need a Beau hug.

[She squeezes her arms around Beau's middle, grateful to not be alone right now. Grateful that someone knows how she feels, finally. It's a weight off her shoulders.]

[thunderbeau]

[Beau kisses the top of her head, hugs her back]

I've got a bunch of them for you.

[leetle]

[Jester inhales and then exhales on a deep sigh, letting more of the tension roll off her body and melt into the hot water.]

I really missed you, Beau. It’s hard being here when some of us are missing.

[thunderbeau]

[jester's relaxation is enough to let beau relax--until she speaks, and it reminds her of yasha, and she stiffens a little]

I missed you too, Jessie.

[a beat of silence]

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

[leetle]

Hey, it's okay.

[She rubs at Beau's shoulder carefully, like she's soothing a skittish horse.]

What's important is, you know, we're safe! And she's safe, and so is Veth and everyone else at home. So really it's just a matter of time!

[thunderbeau]

yeah, yeah, you're totally right.

[she offers Jester what she hopes is a passably nice smile]

and we can't do anything about it in the meantime, so there's no point in worrying or being sad, right?

[leetle]

Basically!

[Jester grins, crossing her eyes, anything to try and make Beau laugh.]

Who's worried? Worrying sucks and I'm sick of it!