leetle | IC INBOX

... I said something to him a couple of days ago, it wasn't much. I — I wasn't feeling good, so we took a nap together.

[ Now he's confused beyond figuring out why Vax didn't push for why Fjord felt shitty over Jester's presence being in the City, it would have made sense to. Wouldn't it? Only Vax was distracted by whatever Fjord had done to him when they mated and ... they just fell asleep.

There's no anger. It's as if his chest has filled with water and he's finished drowning with nowhere to go, unsure what to do with himself; this was exactly the sort of empty gutting feeling he feared when Vax held him close and soothed his anxieties. Between disliking the thought of anyone sleeping with Jester (which he knows is horribly possessive but can't shake) and the revelation of it as one of his mates, Fjord turns around to walk back to the driftwood log where he sits back down, head bowed and arms on his knees as he stares at the sand and wills himself the strength not to let the island hurt him.

He looks tired and, like he told Molly (instead of compromising every corner of his heart over and over) he very much wants to go home. ]

Oh, Fjord...

[She really fucked this up. She can't just cure wounds, she can't ask for a divine intervention to fix her mistake. Is this worse than getting kicked out of Nicodranas for embarrassing Lord Sharpe? Either way, it doesn't matter.

Jester finally summons the courage to look at Fjord as he sits there, staring down into the sand. It kills her. Slowly, she gathers herself up and stands, taking a few steps away and staring out into the sea.]

I understand if you don't want to talk to me for awhile. Or...e-ever.

[Part of her kind of hopes he just tells her as much, so she can just resign herself to it instead of letting herself hope for better, but she also recognizes that she's being really dramatic.]

What? [ Even through the sad haze settled over him, he looks across in her direction. Not speak to her ever again? ] Why would I do that?

[ She's one of his best friends, like he told her.

He shakes his head and leans forward, a hand covering his eyes. While he tries to digest the newest twist in his rapidly messed up relationships, it also becomes paramount after hearing her talk like that to try and be fair, too. Somehow. ]

I know him. I trust him, so ... I'm glad it was someone like Vax that [ a fraction of a pause, ] took care of you the way you wanted.

[ Even if it wasn't me. ]

B-because I betrayed your trust and stuff!

[Oh good, she's crying now, because of course she is. Her hot tears hit the sand beneath her feet and still she stares out at the ocean, trying hard to swallow the doughnut-sized lump in her throat as she summons the courage to say what she says next.]

It doesn't matter, because I really, really wanted it to be you, Fjord. I've wanted that for a really long time. And no matter how nice my first time was I can't take it back, ever!

Vax isn't a bad guy. Don't ... don't wish to take all of it back because of me, he doesn't deserve that.

[ First time. He'll feel that hit home later, for now he's just numb and miserable. ]

I'll admit, I wanted it to be me too. [ What's the point in lying? ] When I first arrived here, I didn't want anyone. I thought it would make me worth less, make me more of whatever I was after Avantika, surviving like this. I told myself, Jester would want you to get home any way you can, she won't care about what you did.

I never got home.

Okay.

[She steels herself and then makes herself turn back around to look at Fjord, shoulders squared and face determined despite the flush and the smudged eye makeup and the tears trickling all the way down into the collar of her sweater.]

I wouldn't care, Fjord. I don't. I might have been jealous and insecure, [she laughs a humorless laugh] but I never thought less of you for having to or wanting to do anything.

[She takes a couple of steps forward in the sand, crossing an invisible line between them, or at least approaching it.]

You know that, right? I don't care how many people you love. I just...want to be someone you like, at least a little.

You said we were together back home.

[ He looks up at her where she stands in front of him in the sand, still slouched where he sits as he drops his hand. ]

You knew I liked you when you came here, Jessie.

You're right. I did.

[She chews at her lip, trying to find the right words.]

You were so happy when you talked about Molly, and Caleb, and Vax, and...and Aphrodite. [She treats the last name with extra special care, keeping her voice light and neutral because she doesn't want to sound bitter in the least.] And you talked about what a bombshell she is and how she's a goddess and you're her paladin. I thought...

[The tiefling squirms visibly in the same, her tail whipping restlessly back and forth, once.]

Maybe you changed your mind about liking me, because you have this gorgeous love goddess now. Obviously that's stupid, but I can be kind of stupid sometimes.

I don't change my mind about wanting people, that's kind of the problem.

[ He pats the driftwood beside him so she doesn't have to stand there like she's on trial for living her own life. What Molly said about not treating her like she's from a book, the same way she did once with the Oskar stuff, still resonates through Fjord. ]

I only told you about all of them because you never seemed that bothered when I did, you were this supportive cheer squad and I ... I should have seen past that. I was just so nervous about telling you, I didn't.

Oh.

[It's a big oh, a thunderclap right over her head, and Jester has to squeeze down the bolt of joy that wants to strike through her, not...not yet. Numbly, she walks back and sits down next to Fjord, never as aware of her own limbs as she is right now.]

Of course I was supportive. It was really good to hear about you feeling so happy and loved. It's what you deserve. I was sad, sure, and upset, but I didn't say anything because I figured, well, he's got people that love him, why mess with that?

Even if I hadn't known I had said something, you did. You had the right to mess, Jes.

[ Wanting to take her hand, he forces his to remain where they drape between his knees. Ahead of them the ocean is beautiful, murky on an overcast day but still peaceful. Silent as he thinks of how to word himself, Fjord goes with honesty. ]

When Molly and I started fooling around, that was all it was. Then it changed, and we promised we would be faithful to each other as much as the City allows. We made sure to share the same bed every night, no matter who we were with during the day. It was ... important to me. Molly's the reason I haven't broken down yet.

[ Yet. He walks a thinner wire every day. ]

I know you don't want to hear about the others but he's a big part of my life now.

Well, I guess I know that now. I've never done any of this stuff, remember?

[She fidgets with the hems of her socks, picking at the edge of the elastic as she listens to Fjord talk about Molly.]

I get it. And I don't...I don't not want to hear about it. If you love someone, I want to be a good enough friend to you to listen to it. Friends are supposed to support each other no matter what, and Fjord...

[Her fingers curl and uncurl, wanting so badly to reach for his hand.]

No matter what else happens I am always your friend.

Thank you, Jester. Even if everyone broke up on the spot, I'd like to think we would all still be friends at the end of our time on this godsforsaken island.

[ Picking up on the way her hands are restless, he finally places one of his over hers. ]

Can we ... start this over? Because apparently I bared my soul to you in the future but I'm from my own past and it's giving me anxiety not knowing what's happened. What I did, or why.

Well, of course. We're all stuck with each other.

[The air goes out of her as she feels Fjord's hand cover hers, and she just sort of...goes boneless against his side, the tension draining out of her body. She sounds really tired.]

Yeah. Let's do that.

[Head still resting on Fjord's shoulder, she explains the whole thing. The statues, what happened to her, their talk in the tower...and then everything else she remembers, too. All the details, the scary fights and uncertainty and having to evacuate her Mama and Veth's family.]

...so I totally feel like if the world doesn't end my Mama and my Dad are definitely getting back together. And that...is everything I remember.

[And she feels like a ten-ton weight has been lifted from her shoulders, after weeks of carrying all that around unsure how to tell anyone all of it.]

[ Slumped against each other as a light drizzle skirts across the beach, it's a lot to take in. ]

No wonder you've been stressed, beyond all the dumb romance stuff.

[ He really hopes the families are okay, cheek resting on Jester's blue hair as he runs through it all. ]

The world won't end. [ Fjord has plans to return to the Menagerie Coast after all the bullshit with the Somnovem and Ickithon is finished. No one is taking away a well-deserved holiday like that. ] Jes, if you want to see more people in this City because it's your choice and not the Augur's, like you said, then ... I want you to do that. I want you to feel like you can talk to me too.

That's what I'm saying! [Her tone is more upbeat, now, closer to her usual self than she's been in days. She's so content to sit here and just...not feel mad or sad or jealous or any of the other stupid things she's felt since she got here.]

I don't know if I want to, yet. Eventually, maybe, but...not right now. But if I do...I'll talk to you about it.

[She looks up at him, the tiniest smile on her face, and she almost doesn't ask the question but it's burning to be asked. She knows she won't be able to rest easy until she does, anyway.]

And what about...you and me? You just want to be friends?

... You'll always be a friend, but never just a friend. Does that make sense?

[ That was what he wrestled so hard with when he got mad at Molly for shoving a reminder of Jester in his face when they were being intimate, it made Fjord feel horrid. Multiple partners who are aware of each other is one thing, and he's slowly getting used to the idea of having the ability to bond with certain people in a crazy halforc way while having one real mate, but while she was absent there was no reconciling why those conflicting feelings were rising up.

She's here now, though. And she's being amazing, all things considered. Quieter, even though it's just them on the beach, he confesses, ]

I think you're so beautiful, [ clarifying a beat later, ] stubby horns or not.

Yeah, it does.

[It does! It's all she could have hoped for or wanted, coming here. If that's what Fjord wants, then she's more than happy to have that with him. There's a smile in her voice, whether or not Fjord turns to look at it on her mouth, and she wriggles a little bit in her seat, like her body can't handle the compliment he gives her, so soft and beautiful like music to her pointy blue ears.]

Thank you, Fjord. [There's a shy pause, before she's giggling.] Of course you already know how handsome and rugged I think you are.

[ This feels right, closer to how they usually are. ]

Oh, well. I'm not all that rugged anymore ... Did you know they fried food here?

[ Haha, fuck. He laughs under his breath, nudging her side. ]

Yeah, I went to the amusement park, remember? Caleb bought me all kinds of fried nonsense. I loved it.

[Behind them, her tail lifts to wrap loosely behind Fjord, the end settling next to his thigh on the other side. A gentle tail hug. Jester laughs.]

But seriously, I think it suits you. You're very nice to hug like this.

I heard about that. [ Thank the gods for Caleb Widogast. ] Between you and me, the arcade is way better. I'll show you the motorbikes game.

But not tomorrow, because I'm suddenly hit with the inexplicable inspiration to work out.

Motorbikes. [The word is foreign and weird in her mouth, but she'll ask for an explanation later. For now, she's gripping his forearm with an iron grip and giving him a playful shake.]

No! You don't need it! You're perfect just like this!

Unfortunately I do, otherwise someone else will have to get strong enough to pick up the Star Razor and I don't see Yasha anywhere.

[ He slips his hand into hers, giving a tug. ]

You know, I'm suddenly fucking famished. Let's go get something to eat? Dick around the house, see what everyone's up to? [ That's what he yearns for, the warmth of a home and good company, people he loves. And comfort food. It feels like he can enjoy those things, now. ] He won't admit it, but Essek really likes being bothered when he's busy.

I can pick up the Star Razor, helloooo!

[Up she goes, tired but bolstered enough by the change in mood to laugh.]

Yeah, that sounds perfect. Oh! We could eat the cake you got me! I almost stepped on it, you know.

Then I guess it defaults to be yours.

[ His hand remains in hers as he starts up the beach, pretending to drag her along but just enjoying the simple touch for what it is. New to him, anyway. ]

I wish you had, that thing is ninety-percent sugar. We'll be bouncing off the walls with our rotten teeth by evening ...

[ All the way home, the tone is set. ]

IC INBOX | @erku

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