leetle | IC INBOX

[Boy, she's not sure if that makes her feel any better at all. But she also isn't going to keep herself in suspense unnecessarily just to be petty, so!]

sure. i'll be here.

[She's waiting for him on the front steps, in fact, her newly-cropped hair bristling in the night wind just above her shoulders as she hugs her arms around her knees, dressed in a pair of pale pink pajamas.][ ]

[ A round of fucks leave him as he gets dressed, yanking on some jeans and a henley, then realising he will be flying and it will probably rain because the island is garbage, pulling on a woolly high-collared sweatshirt too. He finishes off the last of the beer he was drinking before bed and summons the Star Razor which pierces the darkness like a knife and serves as an incoming beacon once he flies to the Neinhaus; no need to walk when in a hurry, apparently, and he makes it just within ten minutes before the spell runs out.

He sees her on the front porch and his stomach twists with snakes, having wanted to meet inside ... this feels ominous. Fjord lands and vanishes the sword, a bit damp from his travel up from the beach. ]

You cut your hair?

[ It's distractingly the first thing he notices. ]

[She's been enjoying the cool weather from under the porch, a soothing balm against her flushed cheeks and racing pulse, but she'll go in if that's what he wants. Jester's heart is in her mouth as she sees Fjord approach from above, and she resists the urge to bury her face in her knees and avoid having to look him in the eye after the embarrassing fucking conversation she just initiated. Instead she just smiles, sort of weakly, and shrugs.]

Yeah, yesterday morning. I went to the amusement park with Caleb yesterday so I wanted my hair out of the way.

Oh, that's ... nice.

[ His smile is just as awkward, rubbing the back of his neck as he paces up the stoop. How does he go about this? ]

Jessie, I ... uh ...

[Not for the first time, Jester wishes she could read minds, so she could just know what he's going to say and not have to agonize over it. But she doesn't know Detect Thoughts, so all she can do is watch him with wide, uncertain eyes.]

Yes, Fjord?

[ Letting out a breath, he grabs his courage by what tethers it has left and decides forging ahead is the best option for both of them. ]

Before I got dimensionally hurled out of Eiselcross and into the sea here, I was ... thinking about you and me. It was getting more and more dangerous and it was starting to feel like I might miss out on being with you, if something happened. Apparently it did.

I haven't gone through any of the statue stuff but my best guess is that I panicked and asked you out afterwards. I think ... from the sounds of how I behaved, I could have been fairer about it. You deserve better than that.

Oh.

[The words filter through Jester's brain in a hollow, ringing sort of way. I panicked. You deserve better. She knows these words, knows the picture that he's putting together. She can't help the way her voice sounds a little hollow, too.]

Yeah, I...I understand.

No, no, I'm not painting the whole picture. Let me keep going, please? [ He glances up at the house, shoulders slumping. ] It's about the first fight me and Molly had, and it ... it was about you.

[Dully, she feels herself nod. Is he going to try and make her feel better somehow? Because if that's the case, she'd much rather he didn't, but—

well, he came all the way here. The least she can do is hear him out.]

I don't understand. Why would you and Molly fight about me?

When I got here I freaked out. I mean, I really ...

[ He went full Flight Mode, gesturing helplessly since she can probably imagine. ]

I had to put everything about home on the back-burner in my mind and commit to whatever it took to get my abilities and spells back. That was the only way I could handle this place, by treating it like an obstacle ...

Like Avantika, only times a thousand.

[ That whole liaison had compromised him as much as Caleb had thought, the City having the same effect. ]

Anyway, after a while me and Molly started getting more serious, [ blushing harder, ] and I hadn't been with anyone like that before. I hadn't dated, you know? [ Of course she knows, you idiot. ] Long story short, I told him I didn't want to know who he was sleeping with to complete his card and I wanted him back with me every night. Those were ... the terms that held us together, since I couldn't bear sharing him. Then, one day, he comes home with his arm tattooed to commemorate the Nein, it's all these beautiful designs and he's happy because he's sticking it to Lucien or whatever ...

[ Sighing, Fjord looks up from where his gaze has fallen. ]

He had this lollipop right on his hand where it was always visible when he touched me, and I ... I didn't like that. I didn't like how I would try to be with him and then immediately think of you. It felt like cheating, Jessie, I had to say something ...

In all the time we were here I hadn't told Molly I liked you back home, and here I was dictating how to handle the idea of him with other people.

[As he talks, Jester watches him with her chin perched on her knees, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her pajama pants. She can feel tears wanting to sting at the corners of her eyes, but she valiantly holds them back. Not yet, she has to wait until she's by herself...]

I see. [She says this slowly, even though she doesn't see, not really.] So you didn't like being reminded of me? Is that supposed to make me feel better because it really doesn't.

[She might, perhaps, be acting a little bit petty.]

Shit, no, I mean ...

[ Why does this always happen when he talks about that damn tattoo?! It's fucking cursed. ]

Molly was upset because I ... I was soft on you. I hadn't let myself think about anything from home because I was trying to survive here, then I had this reminder tattooed on the hand of the person I was trying to focus on and I hadn't figured anything out, so I couldn't.

[There are so many things bouncing through Jester's head right now that she's having a hard time actually saying anything useful. Truly, she wishes she could just go back to sleep, but it wouldn't be fair to Fjord if she didn't listen to his whole explanation after dropping a bomb on him like this.]

Fjord...I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry? [The next part of her words is muffked as she presses her hands to her face.]

Why do I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut.

You don't have anything to be sorry about, don't say that.

[ Slumping where he stands, he plants a hand on a hip and covers his eyes as he takes a deep breath. All he knows is that he hates the island and wants to go home. ]

I'm the one fucking everything up, no matter where I go. I'm sorry.

[She just shakes her head, dragging her hands down her face, her tail thumping restlessly at her side.]

You didn't fuck anything up, Fjord. You didn't know. That's why I didn't say anything in the first place, I...didn't want you to feel guilty for finding other people.

[She finally, finally doesn't hide the way her voice creaks on that last phrase, the tears threatening to spill forth making themselves heard.]

I just couldn't pretend anymore.

[ The distance between them closes as he hears her voice tremble and he steps over to wrap her up in a hug, holding on tight because it's the only good thing he can do. His own voice sounds strangled when he talks, muffled by her hair. ]

You're one of my best friends, you know that?

I know. [Her voice is small and definitely tear-filled; she lets the sting of rejection wash over her just as easily as she lets Fjord hug her.]

That’s good, too. Maybe we just weren’t meant to be, you know? The timing was just...off.

[ His whole life is one big sigh. If he rubs the damp in the corners of his eyes off on her horns that's just, well. It just is. ]

The timing of all of this sucks, yes.

[ His hand runs up and down her back, reluctant to move away just yet. ]

... For the record, you've never needed longer horns to be beautiful.

[Jester lets out a single, soft sob, her shoulders shaking a little bit with the effort of restraining herself from all-out crying in front of Fjord. Her head tilts to the side, slightly toward him, so he can actually hear her answer.]

I know. I w-was always pretty hot.

[ His hand comes up to pet her hair, an arm around her waist gathering Jester in. Fjord settles back against the stone of the stoop, leaning there instead of her so she isn't pinned. ]

We can't tell you every day, it'll go to your head.

[ His nose bumps her forehead. ]

[Fjord has such a way of making things seem okay, hugging away her worry, always trying to look on the bright side. It can be frustrating at times, sure, but it's also very comforting at the moment. If she can just let things settle between them, maybe she can go be miserable in her room for the rest of the night where nobody needs to be burdened with it.]

I know.

[It's all a little too raw and real, right now, so she pulls away before long, gently extricating herself from Fjord, sniffling.]

I'm sorry. I think I just...need to be alone.

Of course.

[ He lets her go, straightening up. It's the weirdest feeling, still having a crush but having it diluted beneath other emotions yet still remain, and he suspects he's done enough damage for one night. ]

I'm sorry tonight went sideways, I ... I missed you. I thought we could talk ...

[ If he had known how Jester felt, he wouldn't have been so cavalier about it. He's been so oblivious, so stupid. ]

I'll sleep on the couch downstairs, it's comfy enough. I don't want to wake the house.

It's not your fault.

[It isn't his fault, and she knows that even though her brain wants to twist it around and blame it on him. It's better than blaming it on herself for not being enough, not being what he wants, not being—

She shudders as she hugs her arms around herself, and lifts the corner of her mouth in a half-smile, trying not to let I missed you worm its way into her aching heart.]

You can sleep wherever you want, Fjord. You were here first, remember?

[ His answering smile is just as soft as they head inside, latching the door behind. ]

Oh, the house is nothing like it was, I could sleep on the floor and I'd still be warm nowadays. It's alright, there are blankets on the couch, and I ... might have some of Caduceus's tea before I sleep.

[ To brood over in the dark. ]

Get some rest, Jester. It's late.

[She just shrugs in response, and heads for the stairs up to her room. She pauses, glancing down at him, and nods.]

Yeah, Fjord. You, too.

[She doesn't know what tomorrow will be like, if she'll even see him when she wakes up, but right now she needs to just...get it off her chest. Cry. Maybe vent a little bit. She pauses in front of the door to Veth and Caleb's room...

IC INBOX | @erku

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