IC INBOX | @erku

Hey! It's Jester!
I can't pick up right now, but I'll reply really soon, okay? Don't miss me too much.
...doot doo doo beep boop!
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what do you mean, "the way things are for us?
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[No, Jester erases that, and this time sends a voice message, because it's a thousand times easier to just ramble aloud like she's Sending than it is to try and type a coherent sentence.]
I mean that...the night after the statue thing that made me look older, you. You came up to my room and asked to kiss me. And I said yes, and that ever since then we've been, like, you know. A thing.
[she pauses, catching her breath and trying to steady her voice.]
And I just didn't want to come in here and ruin all this good stuff you have going.
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Gods. Why is this his life!!
One thing in her story catches his attention in a way that leaves a lump in his stomach, still too anxious to trust his voice in a reply back. ]
AFTER the statue made you older?
[ Yeah, that would ... spur his freaked-out ass on. ]
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yeah
i thought maybe...i don't know like maybe i was suddenly good looking and that was why??
i'm so confused, fjord
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i'm so sorry you've had to hear me talk about other people and
just everything on the island
since you got here
that must have been really shitty for you while you were keeping all of this to yourself
i understand why you did it and you're too good to me, jessie
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i literally did this to myself, after all
that's why i'm so frustrated
[She still wants to scream! It sucks really bad and right now she's very much teetering on a precipice with no idea of what's going to happen next.]
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there's some stuff i haven't told you about being on the island
it's about you, in a way
can you give me 15 minutes to get dressed and i'll come over?
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sure. i'll be here.
[She's waiting for him on the front steps, in fact, her newly-cropped hair bristling in the night wind just above her shoulders as she hugs her arms around her knees, dressed in a pair of pale pink pajamas.][ ]
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He sees her on the front porch and his stomach twists with snakes, having wanted to meet inside ... this feels ominous. Fjord lands and vanishes the sword, a bit damp from his travel up from the beach. ]
You cut your hair?
[ It's distractingly the first thing he notices. ]
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Yeah, yesterday morning. I went to the amusement park with Caleb yesterday so I wanted my hair out of the way.
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[ His smile is just as awkward, rubbing the back of his neck as he paces up the stoop. How does he go about this? ]
Jessie, I ... uh ...
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Yes, Fjord?
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Before I got dimensionally hurled out of Eiselcross and into the sea here, I was ... thinking about you and me. It was getting more and more dangerous and it was starting to feel like I might miss out on being with you, if something happened. Apparently it did.
I haven't gone through any of the statue stuff but my best guess is that I panicked and asked you out afterwards. I think ... from the sounds of how I behaved, I could have been fairer about it. You deserve better than that.
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[The words filter through Jester's brain in a hollow, ringing sort of way. I panicked. You deserve better. She knows these words, knows the picture that he's putting together. She can't help the way her voice sounds a little hollow, too.]
Yeah, I...I understand.
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well, he came all the way here. The least she can do is hear him out.]
I don't understand. Why would you and Molly fight about me?
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[ He went full Flight Mode, gesturing helplessly since she can probably imagine. ]
I had to put everything about home on the back-burner in my mind and commit to whatever it took to get my abilities and spells back. That was the only way I could handle this place, by treating it like an obstacle ...
Like Avantika, only times a thousand.
[ That whole liaison had compromised him as much as Caleb had thought, the City having the same effect. ]
Anyway, after a while me and Molly started getting more serious, [ blushing harder, ] and I hadn't been with anyone like that before. I hadn't dated, you know? [ Of course she knows, you idiot. ] Long story short, I told him I didn't want to know who he was sleeping with to complete his card and I wanted him back with me every night. Those were ... the terms that held us together, since I couldn't bear sharing him. Then, one day, he comes home with his arm tattooed to commemorate the Nein, it's all these beautiful designs and he's happy because he's sticking it to Lucien or whatever ...
[ Sighing, Fjord looks up from where his gaze has fallen. ]
He had this lollipop right on his hand where it was always visible when he touched me, and I ... I didn't like that. I didn't like how I would try to be with him and then immediately think of you. It felt like cheating, Jessie, I had to say something ...
In all the time we were here I hadn't told Molly I liked you back home, and here I was dictating how to handle the idea of him with other people.
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I see. [She says this slowly, even though she doesn't see, not really.] So you didn't like being reminded of me? Is that supposed to make me feel better because it really doesn't.
[She might, perhaps, be acting a little bit petty.]
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[ Why does this always happen when he talks about that damn tattoo?! It's fucking cursed. ]
Molly was upset because I ... I was soft on you. I hadn't let myself think about anything from home because I was trying to survive here, then I had this reminder tattooed on the hand of the person I was trying to focus on and I hadn't figured anything out, so I couldn't.
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Fjord...I don't really know what to say. I'm sorry? [The next part of her words is muffked as she presses her hands to her face.]
Why do I feel like I should have just kept my mouth shut.
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[ Slumping where he stands, he plants a hand on a hip and covers his eyes as he takes a deep breath. All he knows is that he hates the island and wants to go home. ]
I'm the one fucking everything up, no matter where I go. I'm sorry.
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You didn't fuck anything up, Fjord. You didn't know. That's why I didn't say anything in the first place, I...didn't want you to feel guilty for finding other people.
[She finally, finally doesn't hide the way her voice creaks on that last phrase, the tears threatening to spill forth making themselves heard.]
I just couldn't pretend anymore.
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You're one of my best friends, you know that?
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Thatβs good, too. Maybe we just werenβt meant to be, you know? The timing was just...off.
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The timing of all of this sucks, yes.
[ His hand runs up and down her back, reluctant to move away just yet. ]
... For the record, you've never needed longer horns to be beautiful.
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